I choose to show up for myself!

Until a few years ago I had spent most of my life feeling unworthy, scared, frustrated, angry, envious, worried… plus many other emotions that I couldn’t have really articulated.  This caused me to procrastinate, feel extremely frustrated, sit in self-pity and generally be unhappy with my lot.  I was very overweight, feeling rubbish about myself and also doing things that were extremely negative and destructive in an attempt to numb how I felt and make me feel better. 

Ultimately this had an impact on relationships, interactions, but mostly on my well-being and the thoughts that occupied my head.  I was so busy trying to deal with the negative and change things, but so confused as I didn’t know how to or what I wanted to change it to.  So I found myself in a spiral of ongoing negativity and frustration.

Please don’t get me wrong…it wasn’t all bad…I have been blessed with good health, amazing people and things in my life, but unfortunately I kept getting pulled down in the dregs and rubbish that I saw as unfair and unable to deal with it or see a way out.

When were things going to get better?  Would I ever find my purpose, get out of debt, have a healthy, honest relationship with someone?  Would I ever be a Mother?  Would I ever be able to look at myself in the mirror and like what I saw looking back at me?  Oh my!

I think I thought someone was physically going to rescue me; to make it better; to do what I was struggling to do. 

Then it clicked…it’s up to me….I have to take ownership and responsibility.  No-one else is going to do it!  What?!  The realisation that there isn’t a Knight in shining armour or a person that can wave a magic wand.  It’s my responsibility to show up for myself and today it’s so important to be continuing a spiritual journey along with courage to grow and develop. 

Today I have the most wonderful friends & support in my life.  An incredible Mother, partner and daughter.  My life is blessed and I am extremely grateful.  However if I’m not taking responsibility and showing up for myself then I’m quickly back to a place that does not serve me today.

Starting the day with good intentions, grounding, being aware of the actions and thoughts that can occur and trying to be the best person possible is essential today. 

Today I choose to show up for me and if I do that then I can be of service to others.

Victoria xx